Love in China: 2009

Thursday 26 March 2009

Why are Chinese women looking for Western men?

Why are Chinese women looking for Western men? What’s the attraction? A typical shallow answer could be : money and a non Chinese passport. I have to admit that there are some Chinese women with this in their mind. However, they do not present the majority of Chinese women nowadays.

First, let’s take a look at the reality in China. If you ask a Chinese man ‘what is your first requirement of a future girlfriend or wife?’ I can assure you that 90% of them will say ‘a beautiful woman’. It seems a tradition in China that men must have a beautiful woman so that they can impress their friends/colleagues/acquaintances etc. Even walking down the street with a beautiful woman on his arm is something to be proud of. A man who has an ‘ugly’ girlfriend or wife might reluctantly go to public places with the woman and feel embarrassed to introduce her to his friends. Why is their vanity so strong? This definitely has something to do with the so called ‘Face’ . According to one Asian scholar, Ting-Toomey (1988), ‘face’ is a ‘strategy that protects self-respect and individual identity.’ Losing face could mean losing respect from other people. Other people’s opinions are so important to Chinese people that they can not be ignored. Having an ‘ugly’ girlfriend or wife shows that the man is incompetent in some way. Gaining a beautiful woman’s heart is regarded as a challenge which is to be encouraged by men. Whoever wins a beautiful woman is a hero, or so he thinks. It is not uncommon to see Chinese guys who have pretty girlfriends or wives showing off their ladies’ pictures in public forums on the internet . The title would normally be ‘ Check out my beautiful girlfriend(wife)’ etc. The man who posts his woman’s pictures would be highly satisfied from compliments by the public. Most Chinese men would deny that they regard their women as accessories. However, they do to a certain extent.

An interesting social phenomenon in China is, if a woman is divorced or a single parent, no matter how beautiful her appearance is, she would be what people called ‘second-hand goods’ which are mostly unwanted. Even the man himself does not mind the woman’s past, however his family would mind. The pressure from his family will often force the man giving up on the woman.

What about a girl who has never married? Well, she has to be careful if she is over the age 28 as she is considered a bit old for most Chinese men of the same age.

It is shameful that most Chinese men haven’t realised that this is very unfair for those called ‘second hand’ or ‘old’ women. They are actually the most beautiful women in my eye. They are more mature; They have experienced some ups and downs in their life; They have probably made some mistakes in their love life before so they know what to do to make a relationship work better. They are just like a good wine, They mature and become gracious with age.

For women who are married to Chinese men, they usually have a common fear that the husband will find someone younger and prettier outside of the marriage. Nowadays it seems popular for married men to have one or more mistresses in China .

In 2008 an online questionnaire of love and marriage was completed by 9021 Chinese men and 5002 Chinese woman. Most men and women chose ‘No’ to the question of ‘Do you believe in eternal love’; Most men chose ‘No’ to the question of ‘will you be loyal to your marriage?’ and most women chose ‘yes’ to the same question; Most men chose ‘ I can somehow find the balance between my wife and the mistress(es)’ to the question of ‘what will you do when there is a possible affair’ and most women chose ‘ I will be stick with my husband and family’.

The divorce rate in China is rising rapidly. There have been more than 1 million Chinese couples divorced every year since 1995. Almost 50% of the divorce cases are due to affairs. Chinese women are famous for their strong family values and loyalty. Unfortunately, more and more Chinese men don’t appreciate those qualities anymore.

So now, what’s the attraction of Western men to Chinese women? Chinese women appreciate honesty in a relationship, a virtue which many Chinese men are lacking. Western open-mindedness makes Chinese women feel more secure in the relationship. The inbuilt competitiveness of Chinese culture especially in the workplace places an unnecessary amount of stress in a relationship. The shallowness of male Chinese thinking regarding their lifestyle is more pronounced.

Most Chinese women are looking for a loving caring relationship and to have those feelings reciprocated. Normal human emotions between 2 people need not be judged by nationality.

Sunday 22 March 2009

How to get a better Response from your profile

Placing an profile in www.mychinesebride.com is free; however, it shouldn't be done off the cuff.

Successful online dating starts with the first moment someone sees your profile. It's the most important moment in online dating.

Each profile should be well thought out and reflect just what you are seeking. Be honest and straight-forward. Don't lie to the members of the site and pretend that you are someone that you are not, because someone looking for who you really are will miss you! This wastes your time and everyone else’s.

A picture is worth a thousand words. People who submit pictures get approximately 12 times the hits of those without pictures. At MyChineseBride, we give you the opportunity to upload several large images with your ad.

When you receive a response to your profile, it is either going to spark your interest, or not interest you at all. Even if the e-mail doesn't light your fire, it is always common courtesy to send a response, even if it is to say "Thanks, but no thanks." After all, this person was interested enough in you to send you an email, so take it as a compliment and send back an acknowledgement that the email was received. If the email does light your fire, then respond to it and enjoy!

Responding to a lady

When you are searching our database, you need to realize that not everyone will be responding and not everyone will be interested in what you have to offer. So it is a good idea to respond to more than one lady at once. There can be a certain feeling out process to make sure this is a right rendezvous for all parties. While it can work, don't go overboard with your first email. Unless specifically asked, don't go into long tirades about what a good lover you are and what you will do with him/her/them when you meet. Try and introduce yourself and let the ladies know a little bit about you.

Once you receive a response to your email it is time to start giving more information. This may be a good time to talk on the phone to get a better feel for the person. Then, when you feel comfortable, it is time for the meeting.

Meeting your Date

The first meeting is a big step. This should be fun, but also bear in mind that safety is an issue. That is why we recommend that the initial meeting be at a public place. If things go well, you can arrange for an immediate, more intimate setting, or you can schedule one at a more convenient time and place.

Common Courtesy

This should be the norm, but unfortunately this sometimes gets lost in the shuffle. The first thing to remember is that NO MEANS NO. Just because you meet doesn't not mean that he/she/they have to like you and want to take things further. Things may change after a face-to-face meeting, so if the other party wants to break it off, do so. This is not a personal insult. Just smile, accept it and go on to the next one.

If you are invited to the other party's home, remember that you are a guest. You don't live there. Dress appropriately for the situation, bring a gift, don't put your feet up on the coffee table, etc. Just because you are entering into a possible relationship doesn't mean you have to be an idiot. Good manners go a long way in breaking through those first-time jitters. If you respect the other party, just as you would at work or school, you will do fine, and you will never lack new dating opportunities. Word gets around, and the fools suffer while the good ones are in high demand!